Santa kills nine, burns house--why the fuck didn't I think of that?

I am forever in fucking awe of the human capacity for simple creative genius and superb execution. And I use the term advisedly because how cool is it to blow away a fucking two year old when she's opening fucking presents. I am in the fucking presence of greatness. How did this moron come up with this spectacular idea? He's just sitting there on the fucking john and all of a sudden BINGO it comes to him?? I'll git me a Santa outfit and some accelerant and crash the bitch's Christmas Eve? Man. Am I impressed. I thought those Somali pirates had giant fucking balls. But this retard takes the fucking fruitcake. Now he may have a had an eensy misstep or two, given that the red suit melted and burned his fucking body to a crisp thereby slightly foiling his plan to getaway to Saskatewan or wherever the fuck he was heading. But give big Bruce a hand, ladles and germs. He the man. Whoa. Kill those little fuckers.

Kennedy? Van Susteren? You decide.

I've been trying to keep a low profile while the country slides into a fucking depression since there are some assholes around who might TRY to pin the blame on me. Catch me if you can, Motherfuckers, is my answer to them. And despite my admiration for dead Van Johnson I decided to not write about his wonderful life and sad fucking death, but now, now I can no longer hold my forked fucking tongue. Is everyone fucking BLIND? Am I the only one who can see the truth? Caroline Kennedy (future New York Senator, if the liberal fucks have anything to say about it) IS Greta Van Susteren. Look at them! A fucking dead person could see that this is true. Ask Van Johnson for christ's sake I ask you, have you ever seen the two of them together?? I think not. They ARE the same person. Now why Kennedy, famous recluse and UN shill, would want to pretend to be that Fox News wackjob with the bad face work, who the fuck knows. But I am here to tell you that I, for one, will NOT be taken in. You can't fool me, bitches.