Marcel Marceau dead at 82, OJ just dead

I love mime. Always have. Always will. What's better than a person NOT TALKING? Especially when you have to spend day after fucking day with someone like Bushlips who WILL NOT FUCKING SHUT UP. So let me tell you, I'm going to miss old Marcy. He never met an apple he didn't pretend to eat. Or a wall he didn't feel up. Or a wife he didn't cut the head off. No, wait, that's OJ. Who also should probably shut up. Come on Juicyfruit, let's get you to an undisclosed location and wire up that fucking jaw. I TOLD you not to go to Vegas. You go nuts in Vegas. You ain't so pretty anymore, Cumquat. Maybe you should think about enlisting.

Larry Craig talks to the hand

Toilet-muncher former Senator Larry demonstrates how his innocent search for toilet paper was misinterpreted by the communist islamic fascist media as a gay moment when in fact the ENTIRE thing was caused by this out of control demon hand which lived in that Minneapolis airport toilet. The hand is obviously gay but glasses wearing fag hating happily married to inert and oblivious desperate housewife Larry not a senator any more Craig obviously can't be. Gay, I mean. It's all a terrible misunderstanding. A foot tapping mistake anyone could make. Even an obviously straight shooter like him.