Fuck the goddam Supremes

What part of DO WHAT WE SAY don't you understand? Did we pack the goddamn Supreme Court with christless ultra rightwing nutjobs for fucking nothing? Roberts abstains? ABSTAINS??? Is he as stupid as he looks? Or better yet, is he as stupid as Clarence Thomas? Can ANYONE be as stupid as Clarence Thomas? But I digress. So now we have to get rid of that whole fucking Supreme Court branch. Obviously, we can't continue to let them have a voice in anything. They'll just keep fucking it up. Next they'll be wanting to outlaw torture and wiretapping. It's all that Ginzjewburg bitch, screeching and waving her goggle glasses around. She needs a good audit. And shit, what difference does it make? It's not like we're going to listen to them, anyway. You think we're suddenly going to empty out the Gitmo torture chambers? Guess again, Dickwad. Who's gonna make us? The Coalition of the Willing? HA!

Who the fuck ARE these people?

Do they have no fucking brains at all? I am so fucking amazed that no matter how much we screw up, no matter what we do--thirty percent of the country still says we're doing a fine job. Are they completely utterly fucking nuts? Everything we do is ILLEGAL. Everything. And they don't care. I shot somebody in the face, for christ's sake. True, it was a lawyer. But, still, a human. Well, never mind. Bad example. But you get the idea. What would it take, do you think, for that thirty percent to turn? Frankly, I can't think of a goddamn thing bad enough that we haven't already done. We've destroyed the economy. We've turned the entire world against us. We've made the world infinitely more dangerous. We've destroyed the environment. We say that black is white, with a completely straight face, and then attack anyone that points out black might actually be black. We tried to keep a braindead corpse alive in Florida. We stole two elections. We're destroying science. We're against evolution, for fuck's sake. We say global warming doesn't exist.
We destroyed New Orleans. How stupid can this thirty percent be? How do they get dressed in the morning? How do they feed themselves? Are they all completely drunk all the fucking time? Oh what the fuck difference does it make? We got 'em. They ours. Til death do us fucking part.

Wanna know my playlist, motherfucker?

I listen to America the Beautiful while I'm ordering the torture of the ragheads at Gitmo. And The Star Spangled Banner when I'm giving another secret noncompete contract to Halliburton. I love Private Dancer while I'm signing the order for more illegal wire tapping. That gives me a good laugh. Fuck Tina Turner. I wish. What else? Gotta have Onward Christian Soldiers when I'm sneaking back and forth to Iraq. Has a good beat. Oh, and I listen to Christina Anguilara ALL the time. That bitch just gets me hard. Word.

Drink this and you'll grow a brain

You know what pisses me off? This fucking moron is going to go down in history as the worst president we've ever had. He'll be reviled forever as the man who destroyed the economy and the environment, who made the entire world hate us, and also completely fucked up the country. In fact, there's nothing he touched that he didn't leave worse than when he found it. Now fucking where am I in all that? Why does he get all the glory? I did all the work. Whose idea was invading Iraq? MINE. Whose idea was leaving New Orleans out in the rain? MINE. Whose idea was tax cutting the economy into shitloads of national debt? MINE. Whose idea was torturing prisoners? Thowing people in secret jails? Drilling in Alaska? Tapping everybody's phones? Looking at their bank accounts? MINE. MINE. MINE. This cretinous little fruitcake wouldn't know a good idea if it bit his dick off. You think this is fair? It sure as fuck is not.

Loved seein' ya and all but Lynne and I gotta cut and run

Can't tell you how much we enjoy these little visits to Iraq and seeing all you military guys and gals, and believe me we are 110% behind ya. We are with you every step of the way, maybe not exactly with you as in actually being here in danger of being blown up like you are, because of course we won't be, we'll be in Wyoming on our ranch, or at a fundraiser in our nation's capital, but it's like we're with you in spirit. Yeah, that's the ticket. In spirit. You here, us over there. Division of labor, sort of thing. You get blown up, we get to go fishing. Works for me. But seriously, boys, we are so fucking proud of you. Lynne and I just think of you as our own children, well, not those of you who are black, of course, or hispanic, but you white ones are just like ours. In our hearts, we are your mommie and your daddy. That's why we have to go now so we can take care of grownup things, like figuring out how to get out of this fucking raghead mess which you aren't doing much to help, you useless dogfucking morons. Can't you do anything right? It took you three years to find that fucking Zarqawi? How stupid can you get? Anyway, gotta go. Shut the goddam door and let's get out of this shithole.

Happy fucking fathers' day

We hired these two obviously profoundly retarded little pieces of shit to play my grandchildren for this photo shoot. Lynne of course is still slightly indisposed. That's what we call it when she's had two lobotomies, takes major lithium four times a day and is secured twenty four hours a day in a straitjacket. She wishes she were here. Probably. On this happy happy day, when families around the country celebrate their fathers for making their lives so wonderful. That's what we hired these droolers to do and that's what they better fucking do. Or we can just sew their little retarded lips together and rip their little retarded eyes out of their hollow little skulls. Now let's get with the fucking program, shall we girls?

For christ's sake, Rumdum, I told you to write it down

What DID we tell them when we invaded Iraq? Doesn't ANYONE remember? Didn't we say something about nuclear weapons? Or was it anthrax? Godammit, Rummie, hurry the fuck up. Shit for brains here has a press conference in three minutes. Oh what the fuck does it matter. Let's just make something up. They don't remember anything anyway. Jesus fucking christ, you guys, just get it together. We're on a roll here. Let's not fuck it up. The Moron is back from his secret fly-by and no bombs went off for the whole fifteen minutes he was there, so Mission Accomplished, as far as I'm concerned. We should have those troops out of there by 2010, easy. And Halliburtonstan should be well established by then. I can run that pissant litte country as easy as I run this one. All that oil, just pouring directly into my pockets. Is that a pipeline in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me. HA!

Apparently pigs CAN fucking fly

Our own little piglet is free at last, free at last. I don't know how he did it--well, of course, I know exactly how he did it. Junior just threatened to have Fitzgerald's entire family sent to Gitmo for a little PR suicide. He said leave my turd blossom alone or you will have your hands cut off and your eyes gauged out and holes drilled in your fucking head and your cock stuffed down your throat while it's still attached to your body. Sadly, Junior doesn't have such a firm grasp of human anatomy. But Fitzfuckwad got the message. So the Rovermeister is free to lie and leak and fix voting machines, just like always. Life is grand again. I always knew that boy was innocent. Now if he can just ditch the secret evidence he was hiding....

Oh sweet jesus, just kill this ugly ugly bitch

There must be a lot of pathetic fucking losers out there who actually think this fucking cunt has a brain. Or do people buy her horseshit books just to puke on them? But I gotta tell ya, she sure as shit makes my fucking skin crawl. What fucking planet does she live on? She is so totally fucking interested only in herself that she's fucking useless in getting any kind of message out. What the fuck does she think she's doing? Whipping her bleached blond wig around like she was on fire, crossing her anorexic little twig legs and showing off her pathetic little titties screeching like a fucking Banshee. She's like a demented Barbie doll on crack. She's a bigger Nazi than I am, and that, my friends, is saying a fucking lot. Someone is going to smash her in the mouth one of these days and break those Hollywood veneered teeth and mash up her nosejob and in general give her what she deserves. This cow needs to be put down.

Excuse me, Miss President, you fucking skank

I don't know what Junior is doing getting his panties in a twist about this fucking gay marriage ban. Is he nuts? Does he actually think no one is going to find out about his secret "alternate life style"? He's so fucking fruity you can stick a straw in him and get your fucking daily vitamin C requirement. And Jesus motherfucking christ, he makes a homely woman. Look at that face. It makes you want to drive a truck over it. And park there. You ever seen that bike he rides all over hell? A ladies Schwinn. Two speed. More gears than that, he falls off. He thinks the Christaholics are going cream over this amendment bullshit, but he's fucked. Nobodys buying. And they haven't even seen Georgina deBushwack yet. Just wait'll they get a fucking load of Skank in Chief. Big time shit gonna hit all kinds of fan.

You're doing a heck of job

Look guys, you know and I know it doesn't matter who you kill as long as you kill somebody. They're all the enemy, we know that. You shoot one baby, come on, what's the difference? It's just a fucking baby. Anyway, it was self defense. Obviously. And if by some remote chance anybody ever finds out, we'll investigate and clear everybody. There's nothing we can't do. Just get out there and bring me back some raghead heads.