Cha cha cha, motherfuckers, cha cha cha

Meet George's other twin sister Danceteria Del Bushwick in her audition for the road company of South Pacific. Here she's singing Gonna Wash that War Right Outta my Hair, and believe me when I tell you it brings tears to your eyes. Dancey is one fine piece of ass, and it surprises me she has been kept in the attic while her brothers have been allowed to prowl the grounds. She's firm, energetic and a good fucking sport. And unlike her Brother in Chief, she has half a brain. Exactly half, I would guess. Maybe slightly less. Oh all right, maybe a lot less. In any case, a hell of lot more than Georgio Del Presidente who wouldn't know a cha cha if it jumped up and clamped onto his left nipple.

Not now, Ma, for fuck's sake

Mother Cheney has always believed in the curative powers of snake. She's certain she can help make things like losing wars or lying to Congress better if she can get her snake Dickie back in the bottle. She's a director of Halliburton, owns five homes and has her own plane, but in her heart, she's never left the old country, the old country being the Turtle Creek area of Dallas. The outfit is Dolce.

Veto-Brains says no to Pelosi

First I had to teach him how to write his name. Then I had to teach him how to write Veto. I swear to Christ, he had to practice for fucking three weeks. He kept spelling it Velvetta. Then for four days he spelled it Velour. Finally I got him to start using his left hand. He'd never seen it before. He didn't even know he had a left hand. I can't fucking wait until this term is over and we can get back to real life, and I never EVER have to speak to this shit head again.

Boris Yeltsin, "dead" at 76

Did he work for us? I can't remember. Did I shoot him in the face, or was that just a dream? I get so confused now that things are not going exactly the way I planned. Boris was important for some reason, I just can't really remember what it was. Something to do with Russia, or Slovakia, or something? Oh, who the fuck cares. The old lush is dead, and Putin is turning everything to shit. Just like us, if you think about it. Nyet, fuckface.