Where am I? You don't know dick.

Who the fuck are America's Arctic Warriors? And why am I talking to them like they were important? Probably has something to do with polar bears, at least it looks like what's on those banners. We need a lot of military presence in the fucking snowcapped arctic? Better there than getting fucking blown up in Iraq, I suppose. But this is just one more example of how you don't know WHAT I'm doing, or why or where. I am sneaking around, snooping around, kidnapping people and shooting people, and you CAN'T STOP ME. Eat shit and die, America. You suck. Me bad.

You need to understand this

You can rant all you want,and you can wave your puny little hands and try to get attention, but there is nothing you can do to me. I am completely utterly fucking in charge of everything that's going on in this country, and there is NOTHING you do about it. If you even try, I will have you destroyed. If you think this whole thing with Libby and that asshole Fitzgerald is anything I'm worried about, you have your head so far up your ass you should be able to see your teeth. And if you for one second think I didn't leak that Plame cunt's name, you're stupider than Clarence Thomas. But get this--none of it matters. No one can touch me. I RUN IT ALL. Get that? I just fucking shot someone in the face! And what happened? NOTHING. YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME. I'm supporting torture, for christs sake. I'm SPYING ON YOU. Yes, you, over there, with your finger up your nose. I'm wiretapping your ass. And you can't stop me. NO ONE CAN STOP ME. FUCK YOU ALL.

My guys

The world is crashing into shit over there. That's pretty apparent, even to me. And I'm not looking for things to be wrong. But this is seriously fucked up. And when that happens, you know what's up next. The Old White Guys gotta move in. if the willies and the wallies and the fuckwits can't get themselves out of this mess, we're just going to have to do it ourselves. Me and my guys are ready. We're suited up and we're standin at the Washington Monument waiting for the chopper to take us to the action. yes, fuck, I've had forty five heart attacks. What's your stupid stinking point? That I'm like sick?? You cheese eating horses ass, what the fuck differnce do you think that makes? Me and my guys are the warrior monks, you gormless piece of shit. We will take them down. Those imans, those caliphs or whatever the christless fuck they are. They are screwing up my plan. The PLAN, if I may be fucking bold, is to get the fucking oil out of that useless fuckless country before they set it on fire. That's the plan. Now get the fuck out of the way, and let me and my guys do our jobs. Go, Heroes, Go.

Sunny or Shitty--what's the fucking difference?

You know, I don't get it. What's with the ragheads blowing each other up? And one side is all Sunni and the rest are full of Shiit, no matter how they spell it. They all look the same to me, and they all have the same guns and the same bombs. We should know--we gave it all to them. They need to just calm the fuck down and do what we tell them. Like everybody else does. We're the big dog around here, didn't they get the memo? How're we gonna get this shithole organized if they keep blowing up the onion tops? Why can't they be like the Good Arabs? And let us in the door first. If you know what I mean.

Undisclosed location

You know when they say that's where I am, well, here's where I am when they say that. We all go to this fucking little room, somewhere, I don't even know where it is, underground somewhere. I know there's an elevator involved, that's all I can say.
And we're all in there, nothing to do, hours nothing to do, and all we have for fun are these two guys in suits who molest the grandchildren, well, the girls, I mean. I don't know who these guys are, Secret Service, I would imagine, you know, given where we are, but they're good. Well, good at molesting little girls. Made me fuckin laugh, I'll tell you that. And Lynn, gets going with her doll. Breaks my heart to see her like that. She believes it's real. That woman is a saint, I tell ya. She'll put it back in that bag in a few minutes. It'll all be over. But this undisclosed location horseshit, it's a fucking drag.

Junior's mad at me?

So the useless bullshit continues. Now they're wondering if the pukeface whiner is mad at his big bad Vice. Ooooh, I'm quakin'. Like I give two shits what that drooling little turd is thinking. Not that he thinks. Not he can think and ride his baby bike at the same time. Like what's he gonna do? Fire me? Him? Get your head out of your ass and think about it. I run this country, and I run him. If anyone's gonna get fired, it'll be him and that mule eyed cow of a wife and those two skaggy twin slits. I'll have them on the next train to the Superdome faster than you can blow up a police station in Basra. Oooh, he's mad. If he was on fire, I wouldn't piss on him to put him out.

Selling out to the ragheads

Can someone tell me why everyone is getting all hot about selling the ports to the Arabs? Do they think it matters?
Do they really think we've made the ports even remotely secure anyway? You don't see anyone standing around in their socks at the ports, do you? We don't give a fuck about the ports. What's the worst that can happen? A terrorist attack? Ooooh, I'm quakin'. You know what happens if the ragheads blow up a port? We renew the Patriot Act without all these shitfaced Democrats banging around. We get Congress to authorize our unauthorized wire tapping. We LOVE terrorist attacks. Without terrorist attacks we would have shit. Bring 'em on.
And if we sell the ports to Dubai, they can streamline the bombing and we'll have more attacks than we know what to do with. And guess who's gonna rebuild? Local businesses? Minority businesses?? Take your head out of your ass. Halliburton Forever, chumps.

Fuck Presidents Day

Look, I know the little moron thinks he's the President. Can you imagine what it's like dealing with his horseshit day in day out? All he wants to do ride that Christless bike. Does he have even half a fucking brain? If he does, he's sitting on it. And they're all wondering why I didn't call him after I shot old Fuckington in the face. Like what for? To listen to his useless spluttering when he tries to remember words? I am so fucking sick of that puking little turd. And that prunefaced librarian cunt of a wife. Give me a break with that face. Now that's a face ready for birdshot bath. Let's all head back to the ranch. Giddeeup.

Like I give a fuck

Oooh, the Times editorial says we bad. I'm quakin'. Hey, Sulzberger, wanna go huntin'? Or maybe you'd like a little side trip to Gitmo? We got a little dirt floored cell just waitin for you, Jewberg. Fuck take no prisoners. Take 'em all prisoner. Or shoot 'em in the face. Either way, the Times make me nervous? I don't think so. I run this fucking country. You don't like it, go back to Islamabad or Africa or wherever the fuck you came from. Just get out of my way. I got oil to drill.

Who wants to fucking shoot birds all day?

Of course, I was drunk, but that had nothing to do with it. I had to be drunk to get into a jeep with that crazed cunt Armstrong. This bitch has her head up her ass, which is no way to drive. The secret service was pissing themselves. At least it smelled like it. But shooting birds, good fucking christ, who the fuck wants to shoot a bird? I want meat. I want man meat. And I got me some. Poor stupid Harry got in the way. I was aiming at Cuntstrong, but old Leatherface ducked at the last second and Harry jumps up in front of her. What a putz. That shitcan is so retarded he didn't even know he'd been hit until the red lights on the ambulance got his attention. Can you believe Armfuck asks me if i want to go in the ambulance with Harry? What a dipshit. Harry Fucking Who, I say. That wad of gum is dead. Forget him. Give me another drink. Maybe I'll have the other half of that beer from lunch. HA. I can tell 'em anything. what're they gonna say? Call me a liar? Not after last weekend.

Happy Hello to Me

Hi, I'm Dick Cheney and this is my new blog. It's pretty covert, I must admit, but given me, that's how I operate. I don't like openness. Openness sucks. Openness is for losers. They say I have a dark view of life. They should pull their head out of their ass. My view of life isn't dark. Dark is for pussies. My view of life is shit. Shitstorm . Shitslide. Shitfuck. Eyes gouged, stomach slit open, dick cut off and stuffed in your mouth, shit for brains view of life. That's how I see life. And you wonder why I shot that fucking lawyer? That cockroach, that weasel? He was too tall and too thin. He pissed me off.
You think I didn't see him? How could I not see him? You think I'm fucking blind?I knew he was there. I wanted his tall thin lawyer ass dead. Now, he's out of the hospital and apologizing to me, as he fucking should, even though of course it was me shot him, so I don't know exactly what he's apologizing for, with his face oozing pellet blood and his heart slipping and sliding, but anyway, fuck him he can't take a little pussy heart attack. I have one every week. I heart heart attacks. Anyway, this is my blog. And if you don't want to read it, fuck you.