Now he's holding his fucking breath?

I've been away for a while. You might have noticed. I got locked in at my last undisclosed location and it took the Secret Service two weeks to find the key. What's up with that? Anyway, when I get back, I find old Shit for Brains in the Oval Office with his face red and his cheeks puffed out and nobody's running the country. So what else is fucking new? I do sometimes wonder what is going through what we laughingly call his "mind". Does he really think this will get Congress off his back? Or get Maliki to start kissing some serious Sunni ass? Or get those drooling bloodthirsty hyenas to leave poor little Wolfie and Fredo alone? Well, I suppose it's win win. Either they give in, or he keels over.

Even I think I'm a little creepy

It's not easy running things from behind the bushes. So to speak. Whenever the Idiot gets up to talk, I'm there. You may not see me, but I am there. I can't afford to fucking not be. He is so fucking unbelievably stupid, you never know what the fuck he's going to say. I'm there to pull the plug if he starts talking through his asshole. I never sleep. My entire body is made up of robot bits. I died five years ago. I'm going to go on forever. You think we're going to let the Demokrauts win in 2008? Are you stupid?

Happy Fucking Easter

Alberto Gonzales, disguised as a large dead rabbit, offers his no longer beating heartfelt wish for all true American torture mongers, Constitution destroyers and illegal wire tappers to have a glorious and happy holiday celebrating the death of our holy lord, or birth or whatever the fuck Easter is supposed to be for. Personally, if I were him, I'd shut up and get the fuck out of Dodge, but Fredo has never been pinkest egg in the basket, if you know what I mean. He's dead, by the way, because I shot him. I mistook him for a lawyer. No, wait, he IS a lawyer. Never mind.

Fredo and his favorite food group

Alberto says hey to his twin brother Tiny. It was Tiny's job to eat all those US attorneys that Alberto was firing so there would be no evidence of political higgy piggy going on, but Fredo was firing so fast, poor Tiny could only get through about half of them. Then the big mouthed leftovers started causing problems. It was a pretty good plan, though. For once, Alberto, never the sharpest caboose in the toolshed, was thinking outside the lunchbox.

Fredo, is that you Fredo? Speak to me, Amigo.

Here the Leader of the Free World tries to twist the head off a man pretending to not be Alberto Gonzales. This sad fucking moron was only trying to get to the fucking restroom, when our own fucking moron leapt up from his tricycle and started twisting his head. It was, of course, necessary to evaculate the room and have the man executed for Overexciting the President. Old W's down to his last few pennies, if you fucking ask me.

The Bush Book Club, emergency session

Okay, I had to come up with a quick answer for why Bushwack was a no-show at the press conference, and emergency book club meeting seemed fucking brilliant, at the time. Who knew they'd find the fucking undisclosed location where he was being read to by Fredo Gonzales disguised as an illegal immigrant under-aged ho. Anyway, I know that book is above his grade level.